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July 17, 2018 | Rome, Italy
There are big plans ahead.

Fix my eye!

By | 2018-03-21T19:48:52+00:00 February 29th, 2016|

If you happen to have named your teddy bear Trump, you knew there had to be a reason.

Just make sure to have your birth certificate for use in jail.

DOB

By | 2018-03-21T19:48:17+00:00 January 30th, 2016|

When you're feeling your age, don't take it out on your passport. Or else.

Call our help line for more, unless...

No way

By | 2018-03-21T19:47:22+00:00 December 15th, 2015|

Have doubts about your status as a Muslim entering the U.S.A.? Here's help.

Choose the "Make Me Up" option!

We at SAD

By | 2018-03-21T19:47:03+00:00 November 27th, 2015|

Need tailored narcissism? Look no further than the folks at Selfieadjustment.com.

Putin has filled the Villian Void.

V-man

By | 2018-03-21T19:46:35+00:00 October 31st, 2015|

When Saddam went south, villainy faced a void. Not for long, thanks to the superb VP.

Hard to fight on without a face.

No contest

By | 2018-03-21T19:07:21+00:00 September 27th, 2015|

Who needs ESPN and fantasy football when you have the Empire Sports Gladiator Network?

Always film an open casket.

Smart rules

By | 2018-03-21T19:07:19+00:00 August 31st, 2015|

Here are five key situations (death included) in which smartphone use is highly advisable.