uestions about love, dating, and relationships frequently get tossed my way. Never mind my own less-then-perfect relationship record, or that I struggle as a mother, sometimes lack patience, and I hold no degree in counseling. Here are a few answers to questions I’ve collected.
• Q: Last week I had a nice date with a man I met online. We both want a long-term commitment and marriage. We’ve both been single for a few years and share many of the same opinions. Though we shared conversation and he was extremely gentlemanly (something I look for when dating), at the end of the date I felt so-so about him. No butterflies, no wanting to tear his clothes off — nothing of the sort.
Before we parted, he asked me out on a second dinner date. I agreed at the time but now I’m wondering if I made a mistake since I don’t feel that excited about him. Should I cancel?
• A:Absolutely not. Are you seriously looking for someone who only makes you want to rip his clothes off? And since when do passion and sex equal deep love and affection? Perfection doesn’t exist, which means you need to ask yourself what you’re looking for.
There’s another point: Do you know how many women complain that men don’t make firm plans for actual dates? Do you know how many men opt for the “let’s hang out again” route, which leaves women perplexed and often goes nowhere? You at least have a man committed to making real plans for date number two.
Too many of us pass up great mates because they fail to woo us on the first date.
Years ago I met a man who didn’t take my breath away the first few times I saw him. But after a month or two he had my full attention. We just had too much in common for me to ignore and I grew to find him more attractive than all the other men pursuing me. Three years later we married and subsequently had three beautiful children. That relationship lasted some 17 years, and we remain close friends to this day.
That was before cell phones, online dating and having a vast sea of bodies to choose from. I always keep him in mind when I’m dating so I don’t get caught up in the noise of online “opportunities.” I’m sure I’ve passed over lot of good men by going for the more alluring “he makes me want to jump his bones” feeling. But most of those relationships never grew into anything substantial.
What can it hurt to give the guy a chance to build a smoldering fire within you? You never know, he could surprise you. You have nothing to lose by entertaining the idea of a nice second date and good conversation with a decent guy. It certain beats getting non-committal texts. Think about it.