November 30, 2023 | Rome, Italy

The fizzle

By |2018-07-29T19:08:46+02:00June 19th, 2018|"Lost In Translation"|
Roy Lichtenstein had the idea more than a half-century ago.

uestions about love, dating, and relationships are frequently tossed my way. Never mind my own less-than-perfect relationship record, or that I struggle as a mother, sometimes lack patience, and I hold no degree in counseling. Here are a few answers to questions I’ve collected.

Q: A few months ago I was introduced to a cute guy at a party. We hit it off right away and by the next day he was texting and calling regularly. He lives about two hours from from me but that didn’t deter him from driving over to pick me up for dinner.

After about two weeks encounters, he asked to be exclusive. It made me very happy since this guy seemed to me to be everything I was looking for in a partner. But here’s the thing: the last few weeks he’s sort of fizzled out. Work has picked up for him and he’s repeatedly rescheduled our dates. I’ve offered to drive to him (I have a more flexible schedule) on the weekends, but he’s rarely able to set aside time because of work and other commitments.

I’m totally confused now. On one hand he still texts me every morning and is sweet, but on the other, it’s as if he doesn’t have the time to date. I’m getting tired of texting. What to do with a guy who’s too busy to date?

A: He isn’t too busy to date. I don’t believe anyone is too busy to date. But boy oh boy is “busy” a great excuse, isn’t it?

When a man in love wants to be with a woman, he will stop at nothing.

One thing I’ve learned is that when a man wants to be with a woman, especially if he is falling in love with her, nothing will stop him. He’ll drive long distances through horrific traffic, hop on a plane, and reschedule meetings. He’ll cancel plans with others and take to cross-country skiing if necessary.

When a man isn’t into a woman after the first rush of passion passes, workload becomes the tool of choice to cancel. Hiding behind work helps a man feel less badly about what he won’t say. Time is suddenly precious. The traffic that didn’t exist before is now too heavy to deal with. Texts become a perfectly acceptable way of staying in touch, but at low boil.

As painful as it may be for you to hear, your guy has flown. He was most certainly all about you in those first few weeks of newness. But fervid moments pass. It’s why we date, why we take a risk, and why it’s important not to move too quickly.

My advice is not to work too hard at trying to figure out what changed. He lost interest. It’s as simple as it sounds. Get back out there and live life worry free. When you least expect it you can become someone’s number one priority, and not just a fizzle.

About the Author:

Jennifer Allison wrote the "lost in Translation" column from 2014 to mid-2018.