December 6, 2023 | Rome, Italy

Sleeping around

By |2018-03-21T18:24:24+01:00March 1st, 2007|First Person|
My D-cup-runneth-over...

es, I have a great job. I get to stay in four and five-star hotels and inspect them for a guide. The downside is that I must do it solo — the most fabulous, romantic hotels offering candlelight meals, relaxing spas and big fluffy beds.


On one of my visits to Merano, I visited the most exclusive resort in the area on a very isolated mountaintop. I’d been waiting for months to stay here, and wanted to enjoy my visit to the fullest.

This was the hippest, the coolest, the most stylish place I had been to yet. My crowning moment. They had a spa with an indoor/outdoor pool that looked oh so inviting…

But I was not going to enjoy that pool.

I had forgotten my bathing suit.

A few skimpy numbers were on sale that I would never be able to squeeze into.

I reluctantly turned and went to my room.

Rifling through my trolley suitcase, I wondered if somehow my suit could be in a hidden pocket.

Nothing but a pair of black underpants.

Hmmm. Could definitely pass for bottoms. A black bra for a top?

No black bra.

And my D-cup-runneth-over bosom doesn’t look so great, in topless.

But then, an idea:

I rushed down to the front desk and asked for a pair of scissors. I had a pair of thick black pantyhose. With the scissors, I cut out the crotch, put both legs through the hole in the middle, and pulled it up around my waist, then up over my bust.

Now I had a black see-through tube top with the “legs” dangling down on either side. I grabbed the legs and started winding back and forth over my bust, crisscrossing to eliminate the “view”; then a nice big knot in the center to finish it off.

Done — and completely passable for a bathing suit top.

But would it hold up in water? Better try it out in my shower in the room.

But then I thought: “Naaaah, I’ll just wing it.”

So I put my robe over the “suit” and marched out to the pool, whipped off the robe and slid in the water.

It worked! It held up!

I even swam outside in the crisp night air and learned the meaning of the word “rarefied,” surrounded by the quiet of nature, the pines white with snow, and the sky glittering with stars.

I ate alone.

I slept alone.

But I’ll never forget that magical evening in the pool with a smug little smile glued on my face.

The cut-up pantyhose are still in my undies drawer as a lovely reminder.

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