Quiz show

n a recent article in the Milan daily Corriere della Sera, columnist Ernesto Galli della Loggia encouraged legislative changes that would streamline Italy’s naturalization procedures. As part of a proposed law, the citizenship process could take five years instead of the current 10, so long as adult applicants proved a working knowledge of Italian and of “civil life in Italy and the constitution.” At the same time I also learned that the Educational Testing Service, the folks that write and administer the American SAT test, has a global branch that helps write tests for foreign ministries. Here are some sample questions for an Italian citizenship exam.

— The Italian head of state is:

• a. Silvio Berlusconi;

• b. Giorgio Napolitano;

• c. Pippo Baudo;

• d. Pope Benedict XVI.

— The abbreviation “P2” refers to:

• a. The morning after pill opposed by the Vatican;

• b. A rogue Masonic lodge implicated in a 1980s political scandal;

• c. A colloquial name for the second year of a liceo classico;

• d. A new kind of mobile phone.

— Padre Pio is:

• a. The center of a lucrative cult that aims to defraud and delude the credulous;

• b. The priest who administered the last rites to Elvis Presley;

• c. A saint whose good works and popularity has attracted envy and hostility from the Roman Catholic Church hierarchy;

• d. The patron saint of taxi drivers.

— The Posta Italiana (PT):

• a. Sells stamps;

• b. Sells financial products;

• c. Sells music CDs featuring Italian artists;

• d. Delivers mail;

• e. All of the above except D.

— The Risorgimento refers to:

• a. The violent colonization of the Italian south by the Piedmontese military machine

• b. A common name for a street or piazza in Italy;

• c. An Italian department store;

• d. A popular movement that led to the unification of Italy and its becoming a modern nation-state;

• e. The introduction of modern civilization to the backwards and corrupt Italian southerners by enlightened northerners.

— The correct procedure to adopt when behind a slower vehicle in the left lane of the autostrada is:

• a. Approach the slower vehicle until reaching a one car-length distance and flash lights. When the slower vehicle moves to let you pass, wave cheerily.

• b. Approach slower vehicle at high speed to a distance of one-meter and flash lights vigorously. When slower vehicle lets you pass, wave.

• c. Same as above, but if driver of the slower vehicle fails to change lanes, accelerate and pass on the right. Make rude gestures and swear.

• d. Any of the above but without the hand gestures.

— The Italian national anthem is:

• a. “Fratelli d’Italia” by Goffredo Mameli;

• b. “Vincerò” by Giacomo Puccini;

• c. “Va Pensiero…” by Giuseppe Verdi;

• d. “Bella ciao” by an unknown hero of the Marxist Resistance;

• e. “Nel blu dipinto di blu (Volare!)” by Domenico Modugno and Franco Migliacci.

— Fascism and its leader Benito Mussolini were:

• a. A political movement that was occasionally violent but made the trains run on time;

• b. A political movement that gave Italy the international role it deserves until it was undermined by a conspiracy of Communists and Anglo-Saxon capitalists;

• c. The only Italian government that might have crushed the Mafia;

• d. A political movement that combined centralized socialist economic policies with a dictatorship and personality cult.

— The Red Brigades are:

• a. Volunteer groups that clear away red algae blooms affecting Italy’s Adriatic coast;

• b. The Italian branch of Germany’s now-defunct “Red Army Fraction”;

• c. A violent, left-wing group that kidnapped and killed Christian Democrat leader Aldo Moro in 1978;

• d. A popular Milan hip-hop group whose political lyrics are critical of imperialist multinationals and the EU.

— Raccommandazione refers to:

• a. A kind of letter whose sending requires filling out fiddly little forms;

• b. The 1929 agreement reached by Mussolini that formalized relations between the Italian state and the Catholic church;

• c. The practice of calling on members of the same social or familial clan to secure sustenance in the form of jobs, academic positions or career advancement;

• d. The legislative policy that makes Sicily and the Trentino autonomous regions;

• e. The name that hardline Communists gave to the party they formed after the fall of the Berlin Wall.

— A bidello is:

• a. A kind of long pasta typical of the Veneto region which is usually dressed with an anchovy-based sauce;

• b. A house of prostitution. Also used colloquially to mean “a big mess”;

• c. The Italian bathroom fixture that non-Italians mistakenly think is a second toilet;

• d. A school staff member who appears to do everything but is responsible for nothing.

— You face the esame di terza media, or upper level high school exams, in two weeks and haven’t studied all year. You…

• a. Study hard and try to catch up;

• b. Copy the answers of the student beside you during the exam;

• c. Nothing. Everyone fails sometime;

• d. Nothing. A well-connected uncle will ensure you get a raccommandazione.

— Which of the following is known to cause cancer among Italians?

• a. Drafts;

• b. Indigestion;

• c. Not wearing a woolen undershirt;

• d. Smoking.

— Which of the following is appropriate while waiting for an appointment with a doctor or state bureaucrat?

• a. Discussing health details such as your bowel movements with strangers;

• b. Keeping your seat despite the presence of pregnant women or the elderly;

• c. Walking in on someone else’s ongoing appointment because you have a “minor” question;

• d. Waiting your turn.