Why take over Greenland? Because (like Ukraine) it’s sitting on vast untapped reserves of precious minerals — not the coal, gold, or diamonds of yore that once fueled the colonial “scramble” for Africa — but the lucrative rare earth elements (REEs) and other critical minerals, especially titanium — crucial to green tech and defense. Trump wants them to Make America Mineral-Rich Again, of course, which, in theory, would give us strategic leverage against Russia and China, who would likely gobble up these same vital resources, too, given half a chance. But Trump, as always, wants a private reward for his efforts, and what better place for a Trump family fiefdom than a massive uninhabited territory like Greenland? The wheels must already be turning inside the Orange Man’s head. A palatial estate dwarfing Mar-a-Lago, encircled by farms and ranches for his biggest fans and donors, a Disney-sized Trump theme park perhaps, and all serviced by hundreds of happy-go-lucky guest workers and young nymphs recruited from around the world. (Eat your heart out Jeffrey!) Think of it as a 21st-century version of “Green Acres” (echoing the popular 1960s TV show). He’d just have to convince Melania to wear American Eagle jeans and ride a tractor now and then. (Trump already has the pitchfork down). “Fresh Air . . . Times Square!”