I have hit upon my next vocation. Fake outrage, hit me up and I’ll be there for you. Need me to howl in defense of the best president in American history? Gladly. Need me to back you up against those idiots who can’t see the obvious connection between apes and Black politicians? I’m all in. But first tell me where to get my skills. Does the greatest president hold fake outrage classes? Is there an online academy? Like, how do I get the right words, the right voice? I’m already trained in fake news. Will that help? All I’m asking for is a tryout. I already feel outraged that I don’t know what to do. I love hating on people. It comes naturally after listening to the great president. Just help me get to the next level, and I’ll despise you so much you’ll think it’s totally real. Thanking you in advance, I remain hypocritically yours.