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The plane truth

Let’s face it. People are traveling again. And there’s not a whole lot to do on most airplane flights.

The air is thin, the sound inside is often deafening, and short of being in first class and having Clive Owen (or Jennifer Lopez, as the case may be) sit next to you, you’ll be lucky to read a little, wonder why a strange sound is coming from the left wing, or lug out your IPad and try catch up on business.

Ah, but there is the smell of something wafting out of the galley. A nice little pasta, perhaps, with basil and fresh tomatoes, or maybe the airline has really done it this time and figured out how to serve un-pressed chicken breast or simple olive oil and vinegar over the Romaine lettuce (which keeps as well as the indigestible iceberg variety, but which airlines never use). Uh oh, the familiar smell of institutional pot roast is getting stronger.

Time maybe to make everyone around you suffer.

You have, in your carry-on, a not so large, throw-away box or set of plastic bags filled with a picnic. There is no “Italian-style”, dried-herb, preservative-filled viscous salad dressing here. There is no mushy meat with fatty sinews and unpalatable canned cheese sauce inappropriately called Béarnaise, and neither is there that amazing concoction found on almost all airline trays which is always pink, sticky, artificially flavored and laced with Cool Whip and graced with the misnomer, “dessert”. Oh, no, not here.

Meanwhile, your companions on Flight 000 are eyeing your tray with unabashed envy.  Some are drooling onto their IPads.

The flight attendant has generously provided a knife, fork, and spoon, salt and pepper, and anything you wish to drink, which, if you had to eat airline food, might be less than moderate. This time you have brought the simplest of fare: two chunks of not too fragrant cheese, a perfect, polished Pink Lady apple, half a fresh baguette (or a little homemade focaccia, as the case may be, three or four slices of rare roast beef, or, if you prefer, one poached, broiled, or sautéed chicken breast, a small bottle of Dijon mustard, a small bottle of olive oil and vinegar, and a deep red tomato to bite. For dessert, you will produce a thin slice of chocolate moelleux or perhaps a tiny paper cup of frozen Valrhona chocolate mousse.

After two hours in the air, the chocolate mousse is almost thawed and of a silken consistency. Not in the mood to bake your own? A small dark Lindt chocolate bar will suffice.

Meanwhile, your companions on Flight 000 are eyeing your tray with unabashed envy. Some are drooling onto their IPads. Most are polite and only stare, but one of the three Italians sitting behind you is gazing longingly at the chunk of Parmesan, and a homesick resident of the Brexit Britain is eyeing the Stilton.

“Would you like a tas…?”

“Yes!” cries the Italian and holds out his hands in supplication. He is attractive, really, in a hungry sort of way.

It is as simple as chilling a mousse to take a delectable picnic on your next flight. There are shops all over the place that will pack a lunch or dinner for you, but you can put together a lovely little picnic at home without much trouble.

Plan a dinner the night before that will have leftovers: sautéed chicken breasts or a small filet of beef or pork. A little cold pasta is nice to have around, and a very good frittata can be made ahead with leftover pasta, eggs, and vegetables, then sliced and taken along for the ride.

Choose firm fruits and vegetables to avoid a mess in the carry-on, and put everything in disposable containers. If you don’t mind doing a bit of washing up on the plane, you can cut up an assortment of fruits or fresh tomatoes. Take them in a plastic container which you will then have for exotic picnics in your new destination or for the ride home. You never know when you will need a safe haven for your pheasant paté from Prague or the perfect white or black truffle you picked up in Piemonte.

Another reason for taking a picnic on the plane is that airline food generally contains far more calories than taste, and far more preservatives than nutrition. If you have to go through the rigors of long flights, why not at least have the pleasant interruption of a thick tuna, apple, and onion sandwich on seven grain bread or thin slices of smoked salmon on dark rye spread with a fine layer of sweet butter. You’ll eat the same calories in canned, dry-herbed cream sauce on leathery pork chops enthusiastically called “financière” or in the overcooked facsimile of halibut stuffed with Kiwi Garlic Mushroom Mousse.

Plan a dinner the night before that will have leftovers: sautéed chicken breasts or a filet of beef or pork.

Toss in a couple of green onions and a lemon (unless you’re going to Hawaii) to garnish the salmon, order a beer, and drive the Swede across the aisle really crazy. If you have to eat at 40,000 feet, you may as well enjoy a truly haute cuisine.

Suzanne’s frittata



A mousse for the road



Picnic options

Check your Carrefour carefully the next time you travel; there are all kinds of picnic foods to take along, and you’ll touch down feeling better than you would after the miserable fare on airplanes. And, that dishy, bello hungry Italian has offered to show you where to get the best Parmigiano and mozzarella in Rome.